Time for another venture into the old mailbag, to help some poor soul in his/her afflictions. Here's one I ran across:
Dear LA,
I am having trouble with my neighbor again.
Awhile back I wrote you, thinking you would have an answer. As luck would have it, things did quiet down a bit and I thought everything was going to be okay. But now the noise is getting worse.
Why, just the other day, we felt explosions underground and watched as huge fireworks were sent up into the sky. Every time we try to talk to these people about this noise, they do not want to listen. It keeps us up at night, wondering what they are going to do next.
The little dude always looks half-crazed along with his uniformed body-guards. I just don't think they can be trusted right now.
What can we do?
South Korea
Dear SK,
Don't do a damned thing, just wait this thing out like you have been.
There is no need to jump the gun and get carried away. After all, the explosion that you heard was just a small nuke, about the size of the Hiroshima bomb. Small potatoes, if you ask me.
But don't you worry or fret, help is on the way. The UN is going to issue a strongly worded statement soon and most of the world leaders have already condemned this action. That'll show them a thing, or two.
Hope this helps.
LA
16 comments:
I heard the UN police stopped by the neighbors last night and warned them they better stop or they will issue a warning.
SK - have you considered that you didn't ask your neighbor nicely enough last time? Try getting on your knees to be lower than your neighbor, clasping your hands tightly and, in your highest-pitched tone, say, "Pretty, pretty please??" Maybe that will make his fist unclench a little.
Obama is doing a good job of doing away with nukes isn't he! SK isn't pandering enough obviously!!!
Hope and Change will make it right!!!... thus spaketh the ObamaMessiah
Good morning
My name is Wan Hung Lo. I am the private secretary to our irrustrious reader Kim Ir-sung. Whire cricking through internet rooking for pictures of naked racecar drivers, Reader Sung crick on your post. He go into bery big fit and break things. He bery piss hoff. So far, three ministers have been shot … so I think bery good idea to write you this retter and set you straight, Mr. think he know every thing.
South Korea a bunch of sissy. They comprain about everything. We people of Democratic People’s Republic don’t have much to do for phun, so we just kidding around a rittre bit with brother and sister in south. Since imperiarist American embargo prevent us from buying firecracker, we have to invent our own toys. Nucrear device is no more than one big moth … um, firecracker. We no intend to us nucrear device on anyone. Just joke, see?
But irrusstrious reader Sung not too happy with big sarcasm coming from Indianaporis. So I tell you now, irrustrious reader Sung have grid coordinates of your place. You be careful in future of sarcastic tone not to offend Reader Sung, okay? We can be frens, sure … after you learn proper manners.
W. Hung Lo
Private Secretary
PS. If you know someone looking for work, we have three ministry position immediatery avairabre. Good kiss ass preferred over sarcastic bastard. Good benefits. State provide women at discount price, okay?
The worrisome part of this is that we now find a sovereign nation asking LA Sunset for his advice. This is the same LA Sunset who years ago advised me to purchase a Yugo, the same man who told me to invest heavily in hedge funds, and the same guy who asked, “What harm will come from letting your 40-year old son move back home for a few months?”
So all in all, I’d have to say that South Korea is exhibiting some awfully poor judgment asking LA Sunset anything of import. And of course, as evidenced by the above comment, he’s managed to irritate the North Koreans in the process. None of this is helpful to the Øbama administration, and I would not be surprised if the Department of Homeland Security closed this blog down as being a danger to the security of the United States.
Well, I predicted this would happen … but as usual, no one is listening to me.
This is reason one why we have to stop rogue regimes from getting nuclear weapons, such as we did with Libya and Iraq, and tried to do with Iran.
Speaking of which, John Bolton is looking a little vindicated today, yes indeed.
//I heard the UN police stopped by the neighbors last night and warned them they better stop or they will issue a warning.//
So...in essence we have the UN warning about a warning?
//Try getting on your knees to be lower than your neighbor, clasping your hands tightly and, in your highest-pitched tone, say, "Pretty, pretty please??" Maybe that will make his fist unclench a little.//
Either that or SK will be short enough to look into his eyes and see his soul.
//Hope and Change will make it right!!!//
De plane, de plane.
//We people of Democratic People’s Republic don’t have much to do for phun,//
You mean that little pork chop bastard doesn't share his supply of cognac with you?
//This is the same LA Sunset who years ago advised me to purchase a Yugo, the same man who told me to invest heavily in hedge funds, and the same guy who asked, “What harm will come from letting your 40-year old son move back home for a few months?”//
Intelligent people, like the readers of PYY, will most certainly require more than hearsay as evidence. They will require verifiable documentation that any of these things occurred.
As a result of your reckless claims, we hereby request that you cease and desist from said deceptions. until such time as you provide sufficient evidence, to support your weak and faulty allegations.
Irwin R. Shuyster JD
//Speaking of which, John Bolton is looking a little vindicated today, yes indeed.//
Bolton is one of the brightest minds in the world. Such a shame he was wasted on the UN.
Dear. Mr. Shuyster:
During a recent meeting with senior partners and associates, we wondered on behalf of our client, The Mustang Group LLC, why you do not allow Mr. LA Sunsett, President and CEO of Sunsett Enterprises, Inc., to speak for himself. It has occurred to everyone that your continual meddling in the affairs of two old friends is inappropriate, unsophisticated, and of course, a waste of our time and our clients money. We therefore enjoin you to allow Mr. Sunset to govern his own affairs for a change.
Meanwhile, we hope you are doing well in Attica Prison, and that you will not hesitate to let us know when you are due for parole. While we naturally cannot employ you as an attorney in our law firm, there are responsibilities for which we believe you are most suitable in our litigant intimidation section.
Sincerely yours,
Huey Dewey,
Senior Partner
Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe, PA
Dear SK,
Perhaps if you brought milk and cookies to your neighbor and tried to start up a 'dialogue' he would consider you point...
*of course, he'll keep blowing things up and causing mayhem, but at least you will feel good knowing you reached across the front yard to your misunderstood neighbor.
Funny LA. I enjoy your "Ask LA" series.
//Funny LA. I enjoy your "Ask LA" series.//
Too bad you don't have more influence with Mustang. He seems to be running with the wrong crowd these days. Dewey of Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe, is about to be sent up the river for cheating his partners (Les Cheatham, Anne Howe) out of millions.
Don't worry about Mustang, he got his butt kicked by some Asche Kikker today...really told him off BIG time..OUCH! :-)
And,Don't worry about N. Korea...16 sanctions usually do the trick.With obama, maybe that'll 116?
Did anybody ever see a HAPPIER smile on that man than today with Sotomayor's nomination? I mean that is one HUGE smile on obama's face. wow
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