Friday, September 25, 2009

Friday Funnies

Once again, sent to me by a friend via e-mail.
(Which means I am not responsible for content.)



Fall Classes for Women at
THE
ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by September 30, 2009
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NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THE LESSONS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.


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Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7 PM.



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Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturdays at noon for 2 hours.



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Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10 AM for 2 hours.



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Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2 PM for 3 weeks.



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Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7 PM



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Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 weeks, Fridays and Sundays, 7 PM



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Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum.
Monday at 8 PM, 2 hours.





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Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7 PM for 2 hours.



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Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6 PM, Location to be determined.



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Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturdays at noon, 2 hours.



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Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7 PM, location to be determined



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Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 wks, Tuesdays and Thursdays for 2 hours beginning at 7 PM.



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Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering To Take a List To The Store, Avoiding Separate Trips for Each Item Needed.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7 PM for 2 hours.



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Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6 PM, location to be determined.




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Upon completion of any of the above courses

diplomas will be issued to the survivors.


7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sunzet, you bastard ... that's the last time I'm going to send you any emails.

I intended that email to help you cope with married life, and you had to go and make fun of it.

You broke the faith, brother; you broke the faith.

Damn tampon.

Your friend,

Eric Cartman

Chuck said...

Fall Classes for Women

I never realized women needed to be taught to fall.

This was great, especially #2. Going to show this to my wife, pray for me.

Rocket said...

Lesson 15

How to cut off sex to your husband because he publishes anti feminine jokes on his blog and then watch him slowly go insane.

LASunsett said...

//This was great, especially #2. Going to show this to my wife, pray for me.//

Am I in your will? If so, please send me a copy before you do.

LASunsett said...

//Lesson 15

How to cut off sex to your husband because he publishes anti feminine jokes on his blog and then watch him slowly go insane.
//

How many hours and what days will this one meet?

;)

Anonymous said...

Cartman, there is a warrant out for your arrest. I had hoped it wouldn't get this far, but I guess a little stint in the juvey brig is what it's going to take.

Gunny

Tom said...

...diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

The participants or their husbands?