Let's dig down into the mailbag and see what poor sould we can help, this week. Shall we?
Dear LA,
We have a problem that is unique and have never seen it addressed, on your world-class advice column.
Please allow us a moment to explain it. We are several families that share a hefty strip of land. We are bewildered and hurt by a recent chain of events which have unfolded before our very eyes.
Recently, we helped a man who said he needed our help to build a better relationship, between his people and ours. He said that others who came before him had alienated us from his people. He wanted to rectify that injustice and if we would help him do just that, he could/would heal the rift. He claimed he would close the gap between us both, promising to consider us and our thoughts, when making vital decisions which would affect us all.
The man was successful in achieving his goals and we all felt much better about the world, for a little while. When he began his quest to fulfill his promises, we were surprised to learn some things about him and have become confused by his recent behavior.
For example, he was visiting one of our family's area recently (for a ceremony) and stayed right down the street from the leader (of that area). The leader invited him to dinner, but was rejected. In another case, one of the leaders of another family's area, living just off the coast of our hefty strip of land, visited the land of the man we helped, and was snubbed not unlike the other leader. (And the family whose leader is a lady, isn't faring much better either. They don't seem to like each other and the press has published much about their rift.)
Keep in mind that we are used to this chasm, we feel that the previous leader totally disregarded our opinions in many of his decisions. (He was not our favorite and we even worked hard against him in 2004.) This would not be such a big deal, except that the man we speak of today, sought us out and by all accounts, appears to have used us to get what he wanted.
Help us LA, for we are about to sink and drown in a sea of humiliation. What can we do?
Signed,
Europe
Dear Europe,
Learn to swim.
Hope this helps,
LA
6 comments:
Dude … you are such a tampon. Europe isn’t a person! Even I know that. This “ask la” series is crap, man. Even that butt-wipe Stan can do better than this!
Eric Cartman
SPE
I don’t know about Mr. Sunset’s other readers, but to me, it appears as though the ‘Ask LA’ series is progressing more toward an advice column to the brain-worn within the global community. Not long ago, the soiled diaper of Asia (North Korea) wrote in asking for advice; now it’s Europe.
Several issues present themselves: first, why do we have a United Nations Organization, if Mr. Sunset is going to usurp their authority with these “advice” columns? Second, European voters seem to have taken a sharp right turn in their recent elections, while our country is moving steadily to the far, far left. One might wonder why Mr. Sunset isn’t advising House Speaker Pelosi and Senate leader Hairy Reed. If anyone requires sage advice, it would be those two bozos (no offense intended to clowns). By the way, Mr. Z wrote an enlightening piece about the European elections today. You should check it out.
Of greater concern to me, however, is the possibility that Europe never wrote to LA in the first place; that this entire series is contrived. I don’t know the truth of this, of course, but it would seem to me more than Mr. Sunset’s veracity is at stake here. There could be questions in the press about his ethics as a bloggist, the true identity of his news sources, and whether or not he ever had sex with ‘that woman.’ I only mention this because once the MSM press get’s a hold of a story like this, they never let go. I would hate to see Mr. Sunset miss a potential Pulitzer Prize. And then finally, deep from within my heart of hearts, I shudder to think of the worst-case scenario: that Cartman was right about Sunset all along.
"and whether or not he ever had sex with ‘that woman.’ "
Lest we forget that he had marijuana once but didn't inhale.
Whew! I feel better!
I for one fully believe Mr Europe wrote to LA for advice.
//Of greater concern to me, however, is the possibility that Europe never wrote to LA in the first place; that this entire series is contrived.//
That's it. High noon, in front of the shuffleboard club. No one talks to LA that-a-way.
I has a way of handlin' varmints like you.
Yosemite Sam
Political Yen and Yang ... the only blog in the world where cartoons dialogue with each other.
Chuck ... are you breaking with the non-health care professional brotherhood?
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