Saturday, April 22, 2006

Weekend Funnies

Here is a little piece sent to me via e-mail. We've all seen countless little joke e-mails and postings of the rules, as laid down by women. But now, it's high time we men fight back with a few rules of our own.

1. Men are not mind readers.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

3. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

4. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

5. Crying is blackmail.

6. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

7. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

8. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

9. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

10. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

11. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

12. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

13. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

14. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

15. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

16. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

17. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

18. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.

19. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothings wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

20. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

21. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.

22. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

23. You have enough clothes.

24. You have too many shoes.

25. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.


gandalf said...

Exzcellent, whoever created that list deserves a nobel prize for sevices to MEN.,
with reference to shopping, you have no doubt noticed that when a man goes shopping he will go to the store that sells what he wants, make a purchase and then go home.

The female starts at one shop, sees what she needs, does NOT purchase it and then goes to all the other shops, only to return to the first store to make a purchase

By the way, we men are supposed to enjoy this!!!

LASunsett said...

Hi Gandalf,

I thought the men would enjoy this and I thought I'd get a few more comments on this. But, maybe the wives read this too and don't want to risk it. Maybe their couch isn't as comfortable as mine? ;)

gandalf said...

one of the essentials in a mans life is " a Good Couch" this is why men should allways buy the furniture, second only to this is a Swiss Army Knife

LASunsett said...


Actually, my couch is so comfortable that my wife sleeps on it, when she is mad at me. I guess she likes to camp.


All_I_Can_Stands said...

I read these to my wife and almost had to sleep on the couch because I laughed too hard in some places. :)

My son "Chip" and I got a good laugh over it though.

My favs are 1, 5, 6, 8,10, 16 and 19.

LASunsett said...

I read these to my wife and almost had to sleep on the couch because I laughed too hard in some places.

Whatever would posess you to do such a thing? ;)