Tuesday, September 30, 2008

PYY's Depraved Bastard Of The Week

Meet Gerald T. Meyers.

Old Gerald decided to break into a house where he knew a teenage girl lived, with the purpose of raping her. He knew where the girl slept, because his uncle owned the house and was renting it to the family.

But Gerald was in for a surprise.

You see, the father of the girl heard her scream and went to investigate the clamor from his daughter's room. Now, poor Gerald cannot collect his Depraved Bastard of the Week award. Dead men cannot collect any awards, that is, personally.

Dad didn't need to shoot the intruder making a bloody mess all over the carpet. He didn't need a foreign object capable of causing blunt trauma injuries. He did it with his bare hands.

Now, there is some question of whether or not the late Mr. Meyers was killed by dad, or had a heart attack. The article reports that he had a bad heart. Regardless of which is the case, he now must be awarded this honor posthumously.

I am anxiously awaiting a statement from the ACLU condemning the father for his bravery in protecting his daughter, saying that Mr. Meyers' civil rights were violated.


Greg said...

That horrible father!

/Obama voter

Actually, this sounds much like a case that happened in my area recently. A trucker had just come from NJ, I think, where he had murdered a woman. He parked his rig, found a house, crawled into a window, and attempted to rape a girl. The father heard his daughter scream and held the guy down (gently I hope!) while the police arrived. Turns out this creep is a serial killer....

I wonder what Mustang would do..... :)

LASunsett said...

//I wonder what Mustang would do....//

Are you familiar with an M-60 Machine Gun?

Mustang said...

To: Award Selection Committee


I've given much thought to the problems associated with Depraved Bastard of the Week, a feature of Political Yin and Yang. I think what we need is to expand the awards so that they are representative of changing demographics. For example, we already have the DBOW, and this appears to be working.

Don’t we also need a Dead Depraved Bastard of the Week (DDBOW)? It just seems unfair to lump both categories into one, and I think it does a disservice to award winners and losers alike. Surely, our enlightened society has room for two awards!

I also propose that the award distinguish one from the other. For example, the winner of DBOW could receive a one-week supply of Vaseline to help him acclimate into the Indiana Prison System, awarded to him at a prison yard ceremony. There’s no sense in presenting this person with Vaseline if he can’t actually use it.

But we can’t forget the DDBOW, either. In this case, I think it might be appropriate if all committee members went over to his grave and pissed on it.



PS. If there is a monetary award for this positive suggestion, please donate it on my behalf to the Unwed Mothers of America, a subsidiary of the Teamsters Union.

LASunsett said...

To: Mustang

From: DBOW Selection Committee

Thank you very much for your input, these suggestions will be brought up at the quarterly policy review meeting, next month.

If any of your suggestions are taken and implemented as policy, we will notify you immediately. Unfortunately, we do not offer cash rewards to retirees that have it made in the sun belt, while the committee works their asses off in the Midwest.

But if you qualify, you will receive a free six-pack of St. Pauli Beer with a free pin-up of this year's girl.

Thank you again for you interest in the process of this prestigious award.


Seymour Hiney
Chairman of DBOW Inc. & St. Pauli Girl Taste Committee

Anonymous said...

"their asses off"

"Seymour Hiney"

What kind of sick blog is this, anyway?

Eric Cartman
S. Park CO