Sunday, October 26, 2008

Ask LA

Once again, it's time to go deep into the mailbag to help someone that needs guidance and advice:


Dear LA,

Much has been said about your amazing ability, to troubleshoot and problem-solve some difficult situations that people sometimes find themselves in. I have one such ordeal that I would like to share with you.

I have noticed the price of gas has dropped suddenly and rapidly, recently. Which is not a bad thing, but herein lies my dilemma:

It was my distinct understanding that when it rose, the price of my favorite vegetable, arugula, went up also. I love arugula as a garnish for smoked salmon with tarragon sauce or baked tilapia with arugula and pecan pesto. For me, there's no better culinary experience.

Now that gasoline is affordable once again, I cannot understand why the falling price has failed to translate to the transportation costs associated with the food industry. Can you help explain this anomaly to me?

Barry in Chicago


Dear Barry,

Sure thing.

There is this clown running for president who wants to tax corporations more , if he is elected. Maybe supermarket corporations are a little uneasy about lowering the prices right now, due to the fact that when he is sworn in, he will tax the oil companies more (causing another rise in fuel costs), or they just want to sock a little nest egg away for when he comes after them.

You see, Albertson's, Kroger, Publix, as well as your own local Jewel and Dominick's supermarket chains are run by a bunch of evil rich (mostly white) bastards that are not paying their fair share of taxes right now. The clown has already promised to raise taxes on the deadbeats that are not doing their patriotic duty, by supplying the government with unearned revenues (for the purpose of giving it to people that also do not earn anything). This will level the playing field and all will be able to afford arugula, as part of a healthy diet.

Hope this helps.

LA


6 comments:

Anonymous said...

What’s he talk’in ‘bout? Here, we buy that stuff for a nickel a bag. After we smoke it, tho, we ain’t worth nuth’in for a bout two recess periods. Plus, what kinda name is ‘Barry?” Here’s thas worth a butt whipp’in.

Token
SPE

Anonymous said...

Dear Token:

We are always looking for creative young men and women to join our staff of tight professionals. We offer top-notch pay, flexible working hours, and free access to our large staff of fully qualified civil and criminal attorneys. Driver’s license is not required, but you must be willing to wear our very smart looking polo shirt with our logo emblazoned on the front. If you are interested in this excellent opportunity for growth and personal enrichment, and if you are a Democrat committed to the election of Barack Obama during Election 2008, or willing to become a Democrat, and willing to deny your political affiliation three times before the cock crows, please contact me (888) 567-8901,

Jack Mehoff
Director, ACORN
Midwest Sector

LASunsett said...

Dear Token,

I recommend Mr. Token take Mr. Mehoff's generous offer. Where else can you get to network with like-minded people and build friendships that last a lifetime, through four years in the Senate (with two of it running for another office), and a Presidential campaign or two.

Dream the dream, young man. You'll have the cigarettes, the booze, and the women anytime you want. You'll be, like, so popular. In between elections, you'll get paid by the government and be off for two years, until the next election process begins. What perks can you get like that in a real job?

In short, life comes at you fast. You have to be ready to take the opportunities that fall in your lap, over the ones you must work for and can make you self-sufficient for a lifetime.


Best of luck to you,

LA

LASunsett said...

Dear Mr. Mehoff,

Thank you for you care and concern for young Token, aka "Poo Dog". He has waited so long for an opportunity like this. Maybe he can work his way into a position to qualify for the El Rukn Street Gang, someday.

Best to you and yours,

LA

Anonymous said...

Dear Token,
Wait a minute, you're in Chicago and you're smoking arugula? Is THAT why Barry wanted it so badly!? (Barry's the name he used till he was in college, so you must have known him as Barack after he decided it would be WAY cooler and hipper to sound muslim, right? I have it on pretty good authority that he added Hussein after 9/11 so nobody would think he held anything against muslims)
By the way, you smoking with HIM? And, you can tell us.....DID he sell it? He's been asked that in 2386987287 interviews (give or take) and he won't answer, just won't! If you DO ask him,
I'm sorry LA wasted his time with those exquisite recipes, who knew ol' Barry wanted only to light it up and get high? Arugula High....not exactly John Denver, huh? Actually, it could be the name of a culinary prep school?

geeeeeeeZ .... I'll be hoping those arugula prices stay down; Best to keep people like you and Barack loaded. They can't do as much harm.

Anonymous said...

Dear Z,

Your reply to Token is not recommended for a young impressionable inner-city youth, struggling to find himself. I admonish you to pick and choose your words more carefully in the future, to avoid any possibility of doing any further irreparable damage to his sense of self-worth and self-esteem.

Sincerely,

Abdul Ghobi from Nairobi